Week 6 in class assignment. Revision strategy essay.

Upon evaluation of Nikita's critique of Lois' revision strategies essay, one can conclude that Nikita is impressed with Lois' progress as a writer, however the writer clearly emphasizes the need for improvement with the thesis statement, consistent connection to said thesis statement, as well as supporting evidence in order to establish a stronger essay. The writer shows global strength as well as local strengths. The writer makes her thesis known when she states "That being stated, there are some areas where you can still improve including your thesis statement, thesis connection and supporting evidence." Transitions between body paragraphs are smooth which kept the reader informed and on point.

For instance, the writer begins her response by stating "This essay has been your best piece to date. I am impressed with the progress you are making." When reading this, one can conclude that this is not the first time she has evaluated Lois' work, and that the writer is acknowledging substantial improvement. This fact can also be proven in the writers conclusion when she writes "Again, this is a good piece. I enjoyed your addition of rhetoric and several elements."

However, the complements and positive feed back do not come without negative feed back, especially in the area of the thesis. For instance the writer admits to understanding what the thesis statement is, but the writer also feels as if she is walking into the remainder of the essay blind. This fact is evident when the writer stated "In your essay, there is a clear thesis. 'Both the global and local writing concerns have helped me to improve my writing techniques' However, that thesis does not allow me to know where you are going from this point." The writer clearly wishes to emphasize the importance of establishing a strong thesis statement in order to inform your readers of what they are about to walk into. Not only does the writer feel as if she is walking into the essay blind, she also sees the need for improvement in the area of relating back to the said thesis throughout the essay. For example, the writer stated "Where your thesis statement is important, so is your connection to that thesis. In each of your body paragraphs, I noticed a lack of connection to the thesis."

In addition to the emphasis on the need for a stronger thesis statement, the writer also feels that the piece that she has critiqued requires more supporting evidence. The writer makes this known to the reader when she stated "The last major component of your  essay I can critique is the lack of supporting evidence." 

As one can see, the writer shows global strengths by holding to the pattern of her thesis statement throughout the essay. Global strengths are shown as she the writer transitions smoothly between body paragraphs, always connecting to, and supporting her initial thesis statement. The writer shows local strengths as well and uses a plethora of supporting evidence by quoting from the essay she is critiquing and providing insight as to what would improve the essay as a whole.

Week 5 assignment. Revisions/strategies essay

My initial response assignment to "Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden was a decently written and formatted essay revealing my thoughts and perception on the true meaning behind Hayden's poem. After two critiques from the professor and fellow classmates, one revision essay, I can conclude that I have a fairly well written essay, however I could certainly improve on expounding on my quotations and use of MLA formatting, reconsider the construction of my third body paragraph as well as focus on keeping my essay alive in selection of stronger vocabulary. 

My goal is to respond to this poem in such a way, that the reader is interested in my perception of Hayden's poem. In order to have a well rounded response, I intend to improve on presenting the evidence and expounding on the quotations used in my response. Both of the responses to my initial response essay brought this to my attention in comments such as "a little bit choppy" especially in the third paragraph. In hopes of fine tuning my essay, I took the advice of my professor and class mate in reconstructing the third body paragraph in my essay in attempts to smooth my transition and make it an overall easier and more enjoyable read. The third body paragraph lacked a transition sentence all together, in which I countered by re evaluating my thoughts and inserted a transition statement, and restructured the entire paragraph by decreasing the number of quotations used from Hayden's piece, and expounding more in my thought process and explanation on the overall perception.

Secondly, if my perception is going to be known to the reader, I have found it to be critical that the reader understand what my thesis statement is. In both comments to my initial essay, my peers stated that my thesis was clear and well rounded. One comment stated that it was "a bit bulky" but an over all good thesis statement. No changes were made or are intended to be made on the thesis statement, if I have painted a clear picture to you, the reader, as to what the thesis and overall essays components are, than any changes are unnecessary and could actually do harm to the essay by giving an obscure thesis statement.

Lastly, in order for me to achieve my goal in delivering a well rounded and clearly understood response essay, I have come to the understanding that I will require to in cooperate more lively vocabulary in order to maintain the attention of my readers. One of the comments to my initial response stated under "mechanics" for the grade scale that it, "lacked sophistication." I believe that I can take the measure of re evaluating the word choice used in order to keep the reader interested and paint a more accurate picture of my perception of "Those Winter Sunday's" by Robert Hayden.

I may add in conclusion, that I have not received a comment or critique for my revised essay, making it difficult to determine rather the changes made were sufficient in order to deliver a well rounded response and analysis essay. However, I will continue to evaluate my response and search for ways to make my essays a smoother and more lively read that reveals sophistication and intriguing perception of  "Those Winter Sunday's" by Robert Hayden. 

Week 4 assignment, week 3 revision

"Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden is a short poem about a son who describes his not desirable living conditions. The author makes a number of statements that reveals to the readers the poor circumstances of him and his family. Throughout this short poem, the author portrays the idea of his family being destitute, the ascetic characteristic of his father and the general contempt that his father is shown in the midst of his hard work in order to provide the basic necessities of life for him and his household.

In this short poem Hayden uses graphic imagery to suggest the dedicated nature of his father. As stated by the author "Sundays too my father got up early" (Hayden 1) the authors diction illustrates the idea that his father never took a day off of work, and that idea is reinforced  in the statement "then with cracked hands that ached from the labor in the weekday weather made" (Hayden 3-4) where the author describes the toll that the harsh weather combined with intense labor throughout the week has taken on the physical condition of his father.

The dedication and the work ethic of his father is commendable, as we notice that he works everyday of the week to keep his family warm. He seems to be illustrated as having a strong sense of responsibility from the lines previously quoted as well as "I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking." (Hayden 6). By time the author awakens, the father is already hard at work getting the wood split and the fire "blazing" in order to drive out the cold. The author seems to be making his dad out to be a hero when he stated "him, who had driven out the cold, and polished my shoes as well." (Hayden 10-12). In "Those winter Sundays" Robert Hayden emphasizes these mentioned idea, and makes him out to be an appreciated father, but combines the idea of indifference towards him.

It is questionable as to why is it that the father is shown such indifference. Why is it that the father isn't shown appreciation, when the author plainly states that his father would rise early, even on Sunday (Hayden 1) even to the point of physical deterioration (Hayden 3-4). The author seems to be commending and appreciating the labors his father participates in, and seems to build the character of his father portraying him as a hero in stating "he who had driven our the cold" (Hayden 11). This suggests that he was grateful for the results of his fathers efforts since he no longer has to arise in a cold house (Hayden 7-8) while he simultaneously showing disregard and manifesting no gratitude whatsoever, proven in statements such as "No one ever thanked him" (Hayden 5) as well as "Speaking to him indifferently" (Hayden 10). Could this lukewarm and bittersweet perception of his father be related to the statement "fearing the chronic angers of that house?" (Hayden 9). The authors diction used would suggest just that when you notice Hayden using the phrase "that house" as opposed to "home" or "our home" or "the family house." The diction used gives no personal touch to such a personal topic such as the family home.

Such statements could suggest that the author is not content in his current living circumstances and that perhaps he has a state of bitterness that he feels lonely in his own house hold. Hayden stated "What did I know, what did I know of loves austere and lonely offices?" (Hayden 13-14) which gives the readers the idea of a tragic family life, suggesting he doesn't have a "close knit" family like he would like to have. This statement leaves the impression that he and his family live a day to day ritualistic lifestyle. The kind of lifestyle where genuine compassion, love and gratitude are out of site.

In "Those winter Sundays" Robert Hayden paints a mental image of a bitterly cold Sunday morning in the cold of winter in which his father, who genuinely cares for his family and holds his own interest second, is shown contempt, with the idea of appreciation for all that his father did for them on those bitterly cold winter Sundays. The author leads his readers to understand that your work can be appreciated and yet, not shown, almost giving the sense of regret that he did not show more appreciation for his father which makes "Those Winter Sundays" a poem that is full of insight and self evaluation.

Poem analysis week 3 assignment

"Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden is a short poem about a son who describes his not desirable living conditions. The author makes a number of statements that reveals to the readers the poor circumstances of him and his family. Throughout this short poem, the author portrays the idea of his family being destitute, the ascetic characteristic of his father and the general contempt that his father is shown in the midst of his hard work in order to provide the basic necessities of life for him and his household.

In this short poem Hayden uses graphic imagery to suggest the dedicated nature of his father. As stated by the author "Sundays too my father got up early" (Hayden 1) the authors diction illustrates the idea that his father never took a day off of work, and that idea is reinforced  in the statement "then with cracked hands that ached from the labor in the weekday weather made" (Hayden 3, 4) where the author describes the toll that the harsh weather combined with intense labor throughout the week has taken on the physical condition of his father.

I find myself appreciating the dedication and the work ethic of his father, as we notice that he works everyday of the week to keep his family warm. He seems to be illustrated as having a strong sense of responsibility from the lines previously quoted as well as "I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking." By time the author awakens, the father is already hard at work getting the wood split and the fire "blazing" in order to drive out the cold. The author seems to be making his dad out to be a hero when he stated "him, who had driven out the cold, and polished my shoes as well." (Hayden 10, 11, 12). In "Those winter Sundays" Robert Hayden emphasizes these mentioned idea, and makes him out to be an appreciated father, but combines the idea of indifference towards him.

I have to question, why is it that the father is shown such indifference? The author tells us that his father arose early, even on Sunday (Hayden 1) and worked hard to the point of physical deterioration (Hayden 3). Yet, the family never thanks him for the effort that he puts forth on a daily basis for their benefit (Hayden 5). Stating "Speaking indifferently to him, who had driven out the cold" (Hayden 10, 11). Could this be due to what Hayden spoke of when he stated "fearing the chronic angers of that house?" (Hayden 9). I notice the authors diction here when he refers to his residence "that house" as opposed to "our home" or "our house" leaves the impression that the author is not content.

Hayden stated "What did I know, what did I know of loves austere and lonely offices?" (Hayden 13,14) which gives the readers the idea of a tragic family life, suggesting he doesn't have a "close knit" family like he would like to have. This statement leaves the impression that he and his family live a day to day ritualistic lifestyle. The kind of lifestyle where genuine compassion, love and gratitude are out of site.

In "Those winter Sundays" Robert Hayden paints a mental image of a bitterly cold Sunday morning in the cold of winter in which his father, who genuinely cares for his family and holds his own interest second, is shown contempt, with the idea of appreciation for all that his father did for them on those bitterly cold winter Sundays. The author leads his readers to understand that your work can be appreciated and yet, not shown, almost giving the sense of regret that he did not show more appreciation for his father which makes "Those Winter Sundays" a poem that is full of insight and self evaluation.